This is a personal topic, but I think most of you can relate. It's easy to get distracted by the business of life but when it comes down to it, nurturing and raising my kids tops my list of priorities and sometimes deserves some deep thoughts.
I still feel like a greenie. Sure I've had two babies, but I have forgotten a lot about the newborn phase so I've been reading my girls' baby books and re-reading sleep/feeding books. At the other end of the spectrum, poor Maddie is breaking me in every time she hits a new age or phase, just as soon as I feel like I've figured her out. Ella is the soon-to-be middle child, sandwiched between a dominant older sister and a novel new brother. Good thing she is adorable and lovable... and feisty. She definitely holds her own, and is often the instigator! It seems like every day presents a new challenge, but the biggest challenge for me is just staying level-headed. I pray daily for charity and the ability to see my children as God sees them, since really they are his.
Pretending to be "church mommies"Mike got a whopper of a story the other night at the dinner table. I had yet to choose a car seat for the new guy and thought it was probably time, seeing as I am now dilated to a 3 and the countdown is under 2 weeks! Armed with coupons and lots of high-hopes, I loaded the girls in the car to get every last necessity at Babies R Us. Before we go into stores I like to review appropriate behavior with them, i.e. "Girls, do we run around, or do we stay by Mom?" and "How do we act?" (correct answer: "Listen and obey!") They were sugary sweet in the rear view mirror. In fact, everything went well until I found the car seat aisle and had to start making the tough decisions. That's when it all fell apart, and once things fall apart it's pretty hard to put them back together. Maddie tried to climb out of the cart herself (she has tipped carts this way before) so I scolded her and tried to help her down. Miss Independent did not want help and began a full blown tantrum, complete with laying on her belly in the middle of the aisle and screaming. Now I'll add the detail that the store was extremely quiet and we were one of the only customers in the huge, echoey aisles. Of course all 5 employees had to walk by and ask if they could help us. Well, if I had time to think about buying a car seat, I might have had questions, but I hadn't gotten there yet. Eventually I got her calmed down, until she realized that the spot she wanted in the cart was the very one that Ella occupied. Story of my life. Finally I got turns sorted out and both girls contained in the cart so I could make a car seat decision. Unfortunately, the huge box had to ride in the cart too, so they got the boot. They held on to the cart obediently until I stopped in the diaper aisle and tried to figure out what sizes I needed, whereupon they ran to the stroller aisle and started climbing all over them, taking advantage of me being distracted! That ended in another fight over seating and screaming at each other, once again in the silent store. With a few more quick stops, we made it to the check-out, but I had picked diapers that didn't qualify for the coupon so I had to return to the back of the store to exchange them. Once again at the checkout, I had to tell Maddie no, we could not have candy (curse candy in checkout lanes!) and then I realized my temporary gift Visa had not been activated, so I had to call and concentrate on entering all the right numbers, all while Ella pushed every button on the credit card machine and screamed for my card (she thinks she knows how to run it through), and Maddie went to the front entrance to find out what the floor looked like under the rug. Of course people walked in and almost tripped over her and the raised rug. My card would not activate with the automated system so I had to wait for a real person to come on, and she kept asking over and over if I wanted to put my name on the Visa and make it a permanent card. NO! I just wanted to use the gift money and be done! Finally we got that sorted out, Ella pushed the green button to her heart's content, and we headed out of the store to a pitying "Have a good day!" Well, I'll try thanks. I hoped for relief that I was alive upon exiting the store, but unfortunately it was pouring rain and we got drenched loading the car. Sigh.
This is where I stop and say I love my girls! I know things like this happen to everyone... it's just part of the ride. We discipline and practice and remind and try again, and hope that next time they will remember the things we have tried to teach them. I loved the talk in April General Conference relating discipline to discipleship (Lynn G. Robbins). Here's an excerpt:
"When children misbehave, let’s say when they quarrel with each other, we often misdirect our discipline on what they did, or the quarreling we observed. But the do—their behavior—is only a symptom of the unseen motive in their hearts. We might ask ourselves, “What attributes, if understood by the child, would correct this behavior in the future? Being patient and forgiving when annoyed? Loving and being a peacemaker? Taking personal responsibility for one’s actions and not blaming?”
How do parents teach these attributes to their children? We will never have a greater opportunity to teach and show Christlike attributes to our children than in the way we discipline them. Discipline comes from the same root word as disciple and implies patience and teaching on our part. It should not be done in anger. We can and should discipline the way that Doctrine and Covenants 121 teaches us: “by persuasion, by long-suffering, by gentleness and meekness, and by love unfeigned; by kindness and pure knowledge” (verses 41–42). These are all Christlike be’s that should be a part of who we, as parents and disciples of Christ, are.
Through discipline the child learns of consequences. In such moments it is helpful to turn negatives into positives. If the child confesses to a wrong, praise the courage it took to confess. Ask the child what he or she learned from the mistake or misdeed, which gives you, and more important, the Spirit an opportunity to touch and teach the child. When we teach children doctrine by the Spirit, that doctrine has the power to change their very nature—be—over time. A sweet and obedient child will enroll a father or mother only in Parenting 101. If you are blessed with a child who tests your patience to the nth degree, you will be enrolled in Parenting 505. Rather than wonder what you might have done wrong in the premortal life to be so deserving, you might consider the more challenging child a blessing and opportunity to become more godlike yourself. With which child will your patience, long-suffering, and other Christlike virtues most likely be tested, developed, and refined? Could it be possible that you need this child as much as this child needs you?
We have all heard the advice to condemn the sin and not the sinner. Likewise, when our children misbehave, we must be careful not to say things that would cause them to believe that what they did wrong is who they are. “Never let failure progress from an action to an identity,” with its attendant labels like “stupid,” “slow,” “lazy,” or “clumsy.” 2 Our children are God’s children. That is their true identity and potential. His very plan is to help His children overcome mistakes and misdeeds and to progress to become as He is. Disappointing behavior, therefore, should be considered as something temporary, not permanent—an act, not an identity."
So much wisdom packed in a few paragraphs. I think I'll have to read them often.
Another thing I have been thinking about a lot is they way my kids play. Yep, play. I know we live in a techie world but my personality embraces quiet over background noise, real books over Kindles, and play over television. Maybe I'm in the stone age (my mom did always tell me I seemed like and old soul in a young body) but I don't care about iPhones or cable on demand. I allow my kids to watch TV, but I feel that it's important to limit screen time and teach them how to entertain themselves.
Digging for worms
Obviously this is easier said than done. It's so much simpler and quieter and cleaner to sit them in front of the TV so you can get something done. For example, when Mike and I were painting the girls' rooms every night for a week we resorted to movies so they wouldn't be underfoot! Nothing else seemed to distract them from their strong curiosity to be in the paint.
Last summer I loved doing a weekly theme with related learning activities and field trips. My girls respond really well to lessons and crafts and I love teaching them new things.
Trying (and tasting) corn syrup paint
It's been harder since we moved because I have been so consumed by settling in and accomplishing house projects. That's also been good, because although I love doing organized activities with them, I want them to know how to just play and not depend on me to entertain them. There has to be a balance of the two. It's not always easy to let them be bored until they figure out how to use their imaginations, but it's good for them! After all, some of my greatest memories of childhood are of playing with my siblings.
I found two very interesting articles here: Willow Creek Pediatrics and here: New York Times about this idea of play and imagination... read them if you have time. They're so good!
Playing doggie with a 'leash'
I also figure they will need to be more independent when the baby comes. Hopefully they will adjust to giving up some of my time and attention as I take care of his needs. Wish us luck!
Good thing I have this guy with me on the journey. We love being parents... most of the time. :)
Mike decided it was time to tackle the nursery board and batten! He strapped on his tool belt and got out his manly tools and went to work.
His brother Seth came over for the day and helped. It was nice to let them have guy time and stay out of the way.
Here's a little sneak peak. This is before he got all the trim on top done and caulked everything. Now we just need to paint the bottom white and voila! It's so nice to have a handy man handy.
On Memorial Day we attended a Provo civic event where our niece and nephew played in the Timp View orchestra. It was a beautiful program of music, speeches, a wreath ceremony, the Taps, and even a 21 gun salute. (And there's a rare picture of me in my 39 week glory.)
The event was supposed to be at the Provo Cemetery but was moved indoors because of the rain. When it was over the sun peeked out so we decided to go walk around the cemetery anyway.
It was amazing. Almost every grave was decorated and the flowers were so beautiful.
It was neat to teach our kids about respect for the graves and what a cemetery is for. Of course they loved running around and smelling the flowers and spinning the pinwheels.
There was such a sweet spirit there of reverence and remembrance. We couldn't find any family names but it made me think of all my loved one who have passed on. Mike and I enjoyed reading headstones and trying to imagine the stories of their lives.
The rest of the afternoon was spent partying with Mike's family. We always have a good time!
