Silly Bean

So we were enjoying a nice Sunday evening dinner when Maddie exclaimed "Bean! Nose!" A quick inspection revealed that sure enough, she had stuffed a black bean up her right nostril. Lauren attempted to remove the foreign object with her pinky finger nail but was only able to dislodge about 20% of it. We searched the house and called up the bulb syringe to active duty. We actually found two but with the same result. It just pushed the silly bean farther up her nose. I didn't think the bean was that big but Lauren didn't want Maddie to aspirate the bean into her lungs in the middle of the night. That concern was repeated by the pediatrician's 24-hour nurse helpline.

They recommended that we go to an urgent care or the nearest emergency room. Don't worry, the copay has already been deducted from Maddie's college fund.

Since Centennial Hospital is practically down the street, we decided the give it a go. Since they wouldn't let us have Ella there we thought we'd bring them our other girl, silly bean and all.

They checked us in just behind a guy that had cut his finger and needed stitches and ahead of another gentleman whose tongue was bleeding mysteriously. They gave Maddie a cool little bracelet with her own bar code. Do you think she would ring up at the grocery self-serve scanner?

The kind nurses had us fill out a bunch of paper work and lectured us about being more vigilant at the dinner table. As we were waiting, another little girl about Maddie's age passed by with the EXACT same outfit on. It was meant to be. In the mean time, her blood pressure & breathing rate looked O.K. She weighed in at 27 lbs on the old scale.

After an admitting staff member and (2) nurses, we were escorted to a bed in the E.R. and assigned another nurse. Maddie was at home instantly as she jumped about on her over-priced, 700# capacity, high-tech bed. Nurse Todd told us that we might have to sedate her at some point to relax her while the silly bean was removed.

After a short wait, the physicians assistant (PA) came in and had a much simpler idea. He asked us if we had weak stomachs and would be willing to try a cutting edge procedure. I thought for a second that he wanted us to suck the silly bean out of her nose. The PA said that if we would be willing to plug the opposite nostril and blow briskly into Maddie's mouth that it would dislodge the foreign object. He said that it works every time. At this point I'm thinking, "why did I not think of that!" I volunteered to give it a shot. Once glance at Lauren and I could tell she wanted me to be the bean blower. I plugged Maddie's left nostril and said "open wide". With a quick breath and burst of air, the silly bean popped out. It was so quick and easy that I had to laugh. That baby just shot right out of her nose and landed on her lip. What a relief. Maddie could now sleep peacefully tonight and not sound like a girl with a stuffed up nose.

While we waited, Maddie managed to spin herself into the curtain hanging from the ceiling and spin wildly out of control until she stumbled and hit the wall, putting a nice red mark on her forhead. I thought we ought to make this worth the money and see if we could get a few stitches of it . . . I told Maddie again that beans do not go up her nose. On the way home she kept repeating "Bean, No!!, No!!"